Something I have not been able to say in at least a year.

I'm not drowning. I'm not overwhelmed. Orders are placed. Editing is on track. My inbox has less than 20 emails needing a response.

MY LIFE IS NOT SCREAMING AT ME.

I worked all weekend so I could enjoy LA. Then Jason had something come up, and I had to cancel my trip. I was bummed at first. Now I think it was meant to be. I was supposed to feel the somewhat uncomfortable, but also reassuring VOID of being TOTALLY CAUGHT UP. At least for a minute. Because the past three years have been the most intense of my life. I'm not saying that as if it's a tragedy, or to suggest that I would change anything. I wouldn't. But I'm realizing that work has always been the center of my existence. Even as a kid. I never played house, or with dolls. I only liked Barbies if I could be their hairdresser. I was forever "writing books", or selling lemonade, or playing "photographer" or "store". When I was a teenager, I would cut school to work. And in their busy season, I'd stay until 2 or 3 in the morning. Totally stoked to break child labor laws, if it meant buying another pair of daisy-dukes at Wet Seal. Pleather in the front, denim in the back baby.

I guess I've always been good at burning candles at both ends. It's just taken me this long to realize that I can't work the same insane way that I used to when I have three kids that I adore. SO, my resolution (and according to the scale, the only one I have stuck to) at the beginning of this year was to find Balance. And today, in a rather unclimactic, and slightly un-nerving way, I sat down at my desk to realize that I really have taken control of my calendar. And calendars are minutes. And minutes are your life. And not to get all Dr. Phil-ish, but I see so clearly now that saying no, usually means you're saying yes to what you really want or need.

So, I'd love to say that I'm going to go lay in the hammock in the back yard now. But the Void is inspiring me to fill it will the ideas that have been swirling around in the background of my head for months. There are loose ends that need to be tied, and new projects I can't wait to begin. The difference today is that I will spend the afternoon watching the kids ride their bikes and eat popcicles on the back porch.

WOOT. To the fact that it can be done. 

And Aretha says so too. 

*changing the subject, make sure you email me soon if you need a weekend appointment. Right now they're booking into August. Weekdays are booking into late May, early June. Have a great Monday y'all.

Comments

[Kate Mefford]

I am THRILLED for you, M. Sending you hugs, and know that I am missin' ya! Maybe we can talk soon, yes??

[Mandy Hank]

Good for you! That is so awesome- this post is speaking my exact words everyday. Being a photographer is completely different than being a mom and a photographer. I deal with the struggles and sacrifices too everyday so I just wanted to tell you, you aren't alone. It's a hard balancing act so I'm proud of you for putting them first like we all should. It's not easy to put the phone down or turn off the computer. I hope you have a wonderful afternoon! :)
Mandy

[Khara Plicanic]

Congrats! Go have fun! :)

[ssh]

does this mean you are ready to start tai chi? glad to hear you are catching up with yourself!!!

[Ma']

I want to start Tai Chi!

And Maile, my favorite line was "saying no usually means you're saying yes to what you really want or need."

Tai Chi and Maile.

Hey, I know the title for your next book! "Memoirs of a Taoist Hedonist"!
What do you think?

[Stephanie]

Good for you! Those shorts you describe sound like the mullet of shorts!

[Paul]

The "chicken coop chic" pic is a classic. Years from now scholars and sociologists will point to that photo as the beginning of the "Mailenization" of modern photography.

[Diane Arias]

That's quite a corner you turned there ... thanks for sharing. We all need to be told that it's OK to take a break. Cheers!

[cathy]

yay for you!!!! That is so great.

But now, all I want to do is sit in a hammock. :)

[Sandee]

finding the balance between the "have to's" and the "want to's" is a neverending challenge, but you are on your way, sister! WOOHOO! Save a popsicle for me--

[mire]

Gosh I know the feeling when you haven't "planned" for free time. I end up pacing around the house cause I know there is something to do. When I realize there isn't I have to go outside to just unwind and get into the natural groove that is actually "living". On a side note, I have found one really inspiring way to keep my running around to a minimum. There is a website: www.nonprofitshoppingmall.com which I have been using a lot which saves my butt and gives to the nonprofit of my choice. I put it on my bookmarks page and use it every time I shop online (which I've been doing more and more of since I found the site). I hope you enjoy shopping and giving as much as I do:)