JOURNAL

What makes a person photogenic?

2012-06-14T13:44:00Z

A few months ago, I went out to the Strange Ranch again to do senior portraits for Emily. She happens to be gorgeous and happens to also be photogenic. But I think there's a misconception that those two things always go hand in hand. So not true. Emily is photogenic because she has a natural ability to relax in front of the camera. Of course this makes my job really easy. Because the ability to relax in front of a camera is what makes anyone photogenic. If you're not relaxed, it's my (most important) job as the photographer to help you.

You'd think by knowing this, I'd be really good at letting people take my picture. I will rat myself out now and admit that I am overly anxious, borderline neurotic about it. But that's why I can relate so easily to the natural nerves of my clients. Before a session people often say, "I'm warning you, I've never been photogenic." My response is, "Don't worry, that's what everyone says." Which is true. I feel like what they're really saying is, "I'm afraid you will take unflattering pictures of me." And what I'm really saying is, "I know you will be nervous, that's so normal. But don't worry because I will know how to make you feel safe enough to relax, so that you're able to reveal the things that matter most to you: laughter, connection, love..." These are the things we want captured. But revealing these things means someone will have to "see" us. That feels vulnerable, so we sometimes hide behind plastered smiles, perfect hair and matching t-shirts. Being a photographer is like being a waitress or hair stylist, in the sense that success hinges on relating to people. But it's also like being a therapist, because it's about relating to people when they're nervous.

This is why I've never taught a workshop. It would be over in 5 minutes, and would go something like this:

"Hi friends, thanks for coming to my photography workshop. I've been shooting for twenty years. Back in the day my camera was 4 feet wide. We used to lug it uphill both ways in the snow. Now it's not like that. Now you can learn every technical thing you ever wanted to know online or in any one of the hundreds of other fabulous workshops out there. The learning curve is way less than it used to be, which is so great. Unfortunately all this info doesn't guarantee that you'll be able to take great portraits. There's only one thing that can do that: Developing your ability to calm people's nerves. Period. Unfortunately, I can't tell you how to do that because it would be like me telling you how to paint or sing or dance. You have to find your own way. But I can give you a hint: Calming others always starts with calming yourself. Thank you and goodnight."

Then everyone would throw tomatoes at me because they were expecting me to show them how to change their aperture.

Anyway, I mentioned that Emily is naturally relaxed. But this is not the norm. And I'm not writing this to make people feel like they should take quaaludes before a portrait session. I'm writing this to make the distinction that being photogenic has less to do with the way we look, and more to do with how we feel inside our own skin. Also, to acknowledge that being nervous is a natural part of every photo session. So when you choose your photographer, the most important decision you can make is to choose one that you can connect with.

If you live in San Antonio or Boerne, The Strange Ranch is a gorgeous location for weddings, corporate events, and any other kind of fun Texas-y party. The owners are super sweet too. Thank you Shanan and Emily for such a fun day. :)

Stuff I meant to Blog (Part 4)

2012-06-12T18:24:04Z

Last summer we took the kids to New York (something else I never blogged about). Afterwards, we asked them about their favorite part of the trip. Their responses: "jumping on beds in the hotel" and "ordering room service". Not seeing the Statue of Liberty, or Central Park, going to FAO Schwarz. We flew across the country so they could eat ice cream in bed.

Since then, we've since become quite the fans of staycation-ing. For one, it's massively cheaper (obvs), and requires little to no planning which works for me because I'm at my best at the last minute. Not really, I just procrastinate a lot.

This particular weekend we stayed at the Mokara. And let's be real, that place is no cheap date. But they let us be white trash and brought in not one, but TWO roll-away beds. This makes me feel like we're getting away with something. And is technically a savings, because with three not-toddlers-anymore children, it's hard to find any hotel that can accommodate us in one room.

The rooftop pool is my favorite part of this hotel. I think it's really meant for fancy people who just finished a spa treatment. But no one threw us out. Probably because they were scared of the family who was trying to get struck by lighting.

I swear it didn't feel this dismal in person. Maybe because of the margaritas.

It also happened to be St. Patrick's Day, which I didn't even realize until they turned the Riverwalk green:

I discovered Gary Clark Jr. one day by Shazam-ing. He is awesome and the kids love him too (more proof that you don't have to give in to Kidzbop). They kept asking us to "play the train song again!"

Best when played with room service. (wonder where my kids get it)

What are your (non)travel plans this summer?

Stuff I Meant to Blog (Part 3)

2012-06-11T14:20:32Z

Jenny spent lots of time at The Menger when she was writing her book. So it was the perfect place for a little surprise party. Karen & Marcus, and Laura & James drove down to celebrate. The hotel is old enough that it has quirky features like four rooms with adjoining balconies. If you're in San Antonio, (and don't mind that it's supposedly haunted) it's perfect for an overnight with friends. You can byob and watch the crazies downtown for free. But since it's visible from the street, we had to wait till the last minute to put the balloons up.

You know. Just chillin in the tiny bar. With our balloons.

Waiting.

Victor planned every detail. I think he even told her that their air conditioner was broken, in order to justify spending the night downtown. When she walked out to the balcony, she thought it was a party for someone else. So cute. I think my favorite part is how happy Victor looks in the background.

We drank klassy pank champagne. And I passed out Jenny's head: a trick I stole learned from Holly.

Victor rented the theater so we could watch Anchorman.

And lucky for me and my early onset senility (that I've had since birth), it was like watching it for the first time all over again. "Happens every time 60% of the time".

You probably already know this, but just in case you're one of the few people on earth who doesn't read Jenny's hilarious blog. Her book, Let's Pretend This Never Happened, is the funniest book I've ever read. And I'm obviously not the only one who thinks so, because it's been on the NY Times Best-Seller List for weeks! I am so proud of my friend. She is proof that awesome things happen to good people.

Stuff I Meant to Blog (Part 2)

2012-06-10T18:42:39Z

They truly are "memory" cards. I've been downloading photos from the past six months, and found this day that I'd forgotten about. It was the end of Alt Summit. I think Kal and I were a little burned out, wishing we'd chosen to leave a day earlier. I get that way at every conference. And I always think it will never happen again.

But then it started to snow in the most beautifully fake movie-set kind of way. We went downstairs to photograph it and ended up making ridiculous angels in a half inch of snow. Being in the snow with Kal is like being in the ocean with Laird Hamilton (you know I've kicked it with him on more waves that I can count). What I'm trying to say with my bad metaphor is that she is a total snow expert. She knows how every different kind looks and feels and falls. Her love for, and understanding of it makes it ten times more fun to be in.

And as someone who loves the slow lane (for real), who hates driving with the top down, this is me walking on the wild side yo. Ohhh pretty pretty snow, and I am in it.

Then we ordered hot chocolate with extra whipped cream, moved the couch to the window...

... and enjoyed the majesty of nature while surfing twitter.

A perfect day if you ask me.

You might already know that I've been a fangirl for Kal's work since before there were blogs. I once even stalked her flew to Winnipeg to photograph her family. She's always working on a million projects. One of her latest (I'm sure you've heard about) is Link With Love. Now that it's so easy to pin and post and use and abuse art and photos and music. Well, this is her way of helping to make people more conscious about how and what we post. It's about giving credit where credit is due. And if you're someone who creates (or just loves) art in any form, it affects you. You can help spread the word by purchasing one of these smart key tags she designed.

They're only $3.00 for two. You can get them here before they're sold out again. Also, this is not a sponsored post. Which is funny to write because my blog is now way too small for someone to offer me money to say anything. I just thought I'd clarify that I'm only writing about it because Kal is the real deal. And so is the work she's doing.

Last two photos and graphic by Kal.

Stuff I Meant to Blog (Part 1)

2012-06-10T15:07:22Z

In a search for my passport last week I found my high school diary. Maybe for a laugh, one day I'll post some of its painfully cringe-worthy contents. Like the time I had a crush on a boy at church camp. He was from Mexico, had the most beautiful air-brushed olive skin, square shoulders, abs, hair that curled perfectly around his neck after he'd been swimming. That's what I remember. I also remember that I never had a single conversation with him. Yet my 15 year old self wrote that "the thing I was most attracted to was his *heart* for the Lord." I wrote it with stars and emphasis around ***HEART***. ..Beat, beat beat. ...Umm... yeah. I was pretty good at drinking my own Kool-aid. Maybe we all are in one way or another. But LORD if you're ever afraid your ego will get out of control, open up something you wrote between the ages of 12 and 18.

It's a mystery to me as to how I had friends, or was remotely functional at that age. And I'm glad I found it because now I have a reference in case one day my kids are equally embarrassing.

I'm also glad because it was a reminder of how bad my memory is. I think I've forgotten most of my life. And I know a lot of people say that. But there are times when I truly get anxiety writing checks because I have to think about what year it is. I forget so much of movies that if a month goes by, it's like watching it for the first time. If it weren't for pictures, I'd be my own version of Groundhog Day. And it was this that made me want to start blogging again. Even if is is just for something cringe-worthy to read in the nursing home one day.

So in order of what downloaded first on my card reader, a few things that have happened since Easter.

Remember Fluffy? Here she is, a little bigger, slightly angrier-looking, and oddly cropped so you wouldn't have to see the mountains of bird shit that covered her nest and my door.

In a natural process of leaving desperate attempt to escape her crap-nest, she dove out heroically, but snagged her foot. I found her dangling, panting heavily and hanging by a thread (literally). Somewhere in my mostly forgotten life, I remembered that if you touch a bird, its mom will abandon it. So I ran to get Jason the gloved superhero.

He tried to save her, but it was too late. The threat of falling to her death was too much. Fluffy had a heart attack (we think) and left us for the great non-crap-covered door nest in the sky.

The kids naturally freaked out. But as you might remember with the untimely passing of Dora Megan the Hermit Crab, many griefs in this world can be soothed by making up a long ritual involving crafts and sharpie pens.

Check back soon for more out-dated, indulgent stories about my life. I'm on a roll. Either that, or Jason is traveling and I am bored enough to finally edit all these pictures.

Oh! one more (unrelated) thing, if you don't follow Epiphanie on facebook or twitter, you should. We're announcing something big this week! You can also find out by signing up to be on our mailing list. :)

Have a good weekend!

Easter weekend

2012-04-09T15:21:29Z

Holidays (for me) tend to magnify the fact that our extended families live in other states. It's the time of year when I feel like I'm watching everyone else gather around a gloriously sepia-tinted facebook table with their moms and dads or grandmas and cousins. I know I'm oversimplifying and turning my friends' lives into Norman Rockwell paintings. And I'm so grateful for my sweet little family unit. Still, when you have nowhere to go, it's easy for holidays to feel like any other day. Which is why we've become quite fans of The Staycation.

We also got to listen to great music while we were waiting for our restaurant reservation. There's something about this song that always makes me cry. If I was an actor and I had to get into character with tears for a sad scene, all they'd have to do is play this crappy recording.

Here's another crap recording of his beautiful voice (that sounds oddly like Tracy Chapman). Don't mind my girls and the rude white purse girl.

We bought a CD because I like to patronize anyone who makes me cry. You can download his music here if you're so inclined.

And one last thing, look at Fluffy! We came back after a day, and she had wings! Our little transparent baby is growing up so quick!

Fluffy The Tiny Mighty Easter Birdie

2012-04-07T14:43:58Z

At Christmas time, our wreath was made of styrofoam holly berries. During the day, we thought ghosts were knocking on the door until we realized it was just birds trying to eat them. We all became accustomed to strange rustling. Then I was convinced we had a bat because every time we came home at night something would fly panicked out from under (what we thought was) the roof.

Last week we realized it was flying out of a NEST behind our Fiesta wreath!

Y'all, THERE IS A BIRD LIVING ON OUR DOOR! I'm not sure what that means. But I'm pretty sure we just won Easter.

Okay, a week ago she looked more like an embryo. Having never seen a bird this new, and being generally wimpy about this kind of stuff, my first reaction was to be stunned and mildly grossed out. But then she became My Sweet Little Ugly Birdie Chickie Baby. I'm serious. The way her whole body moves up and down every time her heart beats. It's like you can actually see her Life force trying to inhabit the tiny space of her two inch body. She still can't lift her head, and her spine isn't thicker than a pin. But there she sits, precariously exposed to wind and rain and the terror of my kids incessant door-slamming.

This is what she looks like now. A few more feathers and a transparent body that only a mom could love. And me too. I love her because she makes me think about how fragile we all are, what a miracle it is that our hearts even beat at all, and how much trust and strength it takes for anyone to keep growing.

I'm pretty sure there is no better way to celebrate Easter or Passover.

I hope you are all enjoying it too. xo

"Joy is always worth it." ~The Bloggess

2012-01-30T01:59:47Z

You know how it feels when you have all these ideas but instead of working on them you spend your free time surfing Pinterest and reading blogs about what everyone else is doing? Then you become so inspired that you're paralyzed into doing nothing but watch Housewives of Atlanta? That's how I've been feeling for months. And last week, after inspiration overload at Alt, followed by days behind the computer, I felt the desperate need to get away from the internet and just make something. Anything.

So I texted Jenny to see if she wanted to keep me company while I decoupaged a wall in my office. Which now that I think about it, is pretty much the same as asking someone if they want to watch paint dry. But that's the kind of friend she is. Not only will she watch paint dry with you, she'll find a way to make it fun. Like the time I was talking about how much I hate exercise and she introduced me to adult-sized hula hoops. Or when we went to lunch and ended up taking frogs to a movie.

Which was nothing compared to the time she wore a wolf to Twilight. Basically Jenny is a magical spice that you can sprinkle on any ordinary day to make it taste better. I love her. And so does the whole world. So much that they're always sending her presents in the mail. Things like fake anthrax and monkey hands and Big Foot costumes. So it's fun to be with her when she's going through it. And last week while I was trying to get the bubbles out of my Mod Podge, she pulled out a red dress that someone had sent for her Traveling Red Dress project. Which by the way, was featured on FORBES ... (y'all she is changing the world).

She went to try on the dress and we both knew that I was done decoupaging. And let me just say that I can't remember the last time I stopped to take pictures for fun. I've tried to schedule it, and end up canceling because of work or life or whatever. It always seems unjustified because of more "important" things. And actually, as I'm writing this I'm reminded of this quote by Brian Andreas:

"There are things you do because they feel right & they may make no sense & they may make no money & it may be the real reason we are here: to love each other & to eat each other’s cooking & to say that it was good.”

I think I would add on as the reason we're here, "to play impromptu dress up with your friend on a random Wednesday."

I know this one's blurry, but I love her expression. Her eyes are so light, she kind of looks like a happy vampire.

My FAVORITES. ...Jenny you are so gorgeous!

If you haven't seen them already, Jenny posted more here.

My favorite part of her post was when she said "Joy is always worth it." That's what this whole session felt like. A time out. A reminder that you don't always need a "reason". Sometimes having fun is reason enough.

iPhone update :)

2012-01-23T14:34:16Z

The photos above were taken from my Alt Summit hotel room. It was a great week filled with equal parts work and play. I took pictures and have lots to say about it. But first I need to catch up around the house and office, and spend time with my favorite people. Seems like every time I'm gone for more than three days, I come back feeling extra homesick for them.

See you soon.

Confession.

2012-01-16T14:40:41Z

I hate my photography website.

When people ask about scheduling and I'm forced to send the link, it's all I can do not to send an apology. Something like, "I haven't updated my site or branding in six years, but I hope you can imagine how much better it could be." Or, "WARNING: mute your computer, the song I used to love which is now nails on a chalkboard comes out of nowhere. Not recommended if you're at work or holding a newborn. And if you make it through the first two songs, there's a super irritating third one at the end by that Hawaiian guy singing Over The Rainbow. You know the one we all thought was awesome for five minutes until every photographer in the universe used it as their gallery backdrop and it became a cliche?" Yeah. I have no idea how or why the kind people of this town are still scheduling with me.

So my new years resolution is to update and overhaul everything so that it's a more accurate reflection of my current work and esthetic.

That's a total lie.

The truth is that I might not get to it this year... (yay for low-bar setting!). Because as much as I love studio work and being on location, I feel like there's something missing when people are dressed up in their cutest outfits smiling at the camera. For sure there's a place for that image. I just think there's a lot more to the story. And I think the other parts are equally, if not more interesting. Like the pictures of Annie and Emily above when they had no idea I was there. I want to be more of an observer, and less of a participant. I want to tell the story of your family in a more real way.

What would this look like? Well, I've been really inspired by two photographers lately: Erika Ray can make a tossed scarf and a peeled orange seem somehow reverent. She makes the ordinary so beautiful that you suddenly become aware of how much of it exists in your own world. And Christine Pobke. Her overnight sessions are the kind of pictures I want for my own family. I don't have words to describe them; you just have to see.

So this is what I'm thinking for a new kind of session, which is basically me stealing Christine's idea minus the sleeping over part. I'd arrive at your house early enough to capture your family routine, brushing teeth, eating waffles, basically be your personal friendly paparrazzi. Or stalker... however you want to think of it. Then you and your fam can get dressed in your cutely coordinated outfits and we'll do a normal-ish session on location somewhere. That way you have the best of both worlds, including the usual of everyone smiling at the camera. For now, until I get overwhelmed, the pricing will be the same as my normal sessions. Do you love it? Me too. Want to schedule? Let me know: admin[at]relishportraitstudio[dot]com

I'm traveling a lot over the next few months, so we're probably looking at April or May right now. But I do hope to hear from you because 1. If you're reading this, you're probably one of the long time hard-core readers who has stuck it out with me throughout the last year of non-posting. For that, I love you. And 2. I miss stretching myself in different ways creatively.

And in the mean time I will at least delete the god awful music on my website. ...You're welcome.

In other news, I'm leaving for Alt Summit tomorrow. Are you going? If so, let me know. Epiphanie is sponsoring a "Dinner With" on the 18th, and a photobooth on the 19th. If you're going to be there, come have your picture taken! Or at least come say hello. Because I've never been, and that insecure feeling is starting to kick in. You know the one where you're in class and you look down to realize that you're not wearing one item from etsy or a thrift store? Yeah, that one.

Changing the subject one more time. Have you guys been watching OWN on Sundays? Because I'm addicted. Last week, okay maybe I was pms-ing but, I cried through a marathon of Undercover Boss. But my favorite is Super Soul Sunday. It's just like church, only you don't have to get dressed or have a fight in the car. Yesterday, she interviewed Jill Bolte Taylor. You know, the Neuroanatomist who had a stroke. It was so inspiring that I pirate-recorded this part on my iPhone so I could play it the next time I'm having a bad day.

Y'all, our negative thoughts are just a peanut.

Untitled from maile wilson on Vimeo.

My other favorite part of this video was when she said that scientifically speaking, all humans are 99.9% the same. Crazy to think that all the arguments and conflict and wars in the world are started by .1% of the parts of us that are different. You can watch the whole video here. Might be a nice way to celebrate Martin Luther King Day.

See you soon. :)